Learning to Relax

LET YOURSELF BE HELD.

My mother used to say this to me at bedtime. Before I got too tall to be rocked, she would hold me and inevitably remark that I was rigid. She encouraged me to "'just' relax."

As a trauma kid, I really didn't understand voluntarily relaxing. Luckily, my parents were creative and learned meditation and massage. I still struggle to relax.

Each night, she seemed surprised anew that I still hadn't learned to relax. When I was older and lying in my own bed, she would remind me, "you don't have to hold yourself, the bed is holding you already."

I am here to tell you that letting oneself be held is no easy feat, and it can be all the more frustrating when relaxation seems to easy for others. I want to validate that frustration. When we turn to external sources to downregulate (even if the long term implications may be a slow or fast death), we arrive at that external source seeking peace. Softness. The sensation of being held.

This is the core of why I started this project: I realized that as I slowly, but intentionally heal my trauma, my body-mind softens. As I let down my guard, even slightly, that's when I notice flowers opening. It's like the world slows down, and suddenly, I hear music.

This is what I want for Black and Brown people: the safety to be vulnerable. For everyone to have enough to give some away freely. To experience tenderness. The right, the joy, the contentment to be Black, and simply, breathing. 🖤